She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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