sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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