My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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