Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
