so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
