this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
how does that bad decision feel?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
