What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
