mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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