I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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