Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
