You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
