So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
