i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
