What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
