My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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