WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
