New low: just hacked my moms facebook
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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