i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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