i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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