What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
