Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
