just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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