I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
