I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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