I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
