I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
