i will never coherently bang her
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
this boner is exhausting
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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