so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
