remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
