maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize