i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I want her autograph on my taint
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize