He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
