Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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