My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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