God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
