Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize