How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
