Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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