ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
