Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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