how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
