Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
