Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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