Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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