all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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