So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
