You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
