sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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