She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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