I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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