This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it's like iHOP with fire
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
