I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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