You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
