eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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