So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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