I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's a Shit stain on my heart
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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