Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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