I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
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