Michael Bay diarrhea
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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