I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The uberlube is also flammable
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
