Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
