look no pants
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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