Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't put those talents on a resume
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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