if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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