K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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