I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
