I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
