i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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