90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize