every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
