so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
